The Not So Happy Meal

0YenSmileHimejiJapan I’ve just finished reading an article about one of Japan’s latest food scandals. Yesterday, a Japanese woman said she found “dental material” in her hamburger bought at McDonald’s in Hokkaido this past September. She also said she initially thought the crunchiness was due to sand or stones in her burger.

There are so many things I already love about this woman. For starters, when she encountered a crunchiness not associated with hamburger, she thought it was sand and kept chewing long enough for her to reassessed her tastebud results and then decide that her burger might be filled with stones, resulting in her chewing some more. Tenacity is a precious personality trait that I think should be recognized and valued for all its jolie laide glory here.

On top of that, we are just hearing of it now when the culinary experience happened all the way back in September. I am going to guess that it’s taken her three months to come to terms with getting over the embarrassment of admitting to “eating sand or stones” and being ok with it. (Not that I can fault her. I recently ate a soap laced stew that I knew tasted wrong in every way but was too hungry to care. I think we’ve all been there. No? Nevermind, I’m fine now, thanks for asking.)

McDonald’s did not confirm if the “dental material” in fact was inside the hamburger but insisted that no employees had any teeth problems at the time. The above mentioned woman also denied having any dental problems. Well, now we know somebody’s lying. Everybody has problems with their teeth most of the time if not all the time. We know we are supposed to go to the dentist every six months but go every 6 years instead because going to the dentist is expensive and just plain sucks. Dentists don’t even like being dentists. They have a higher suicide rate than in any other profession. My point is, nobody goes to the dentist and McDonald’s doesn’t know if any of their employees had dental problems unless they sent them all to the dentist immediately which they wouldn’t because that’s expensive and sensible. They’d rather hire another lawyer.

McDonalds has had quite the year when it comes to food scandals. A human tooth was found in a french fry. A strip of vinyl was found in a chicken nugget. A kid cut his mouth on a piece of plastic found in a chocolate sundae. Takehiko Aoki, senior vice president at McD’s Japan announced at a press conference that their new goal was to “make such cases zero”. That’s a great New Year’s resolution. It’s a clear, measurable and attainable goal that I’ve managed to maintain without even trying.

Aoki also said, “I am confident that my family can eat McDonald's products. "I will eat McNuggets." "I will feed McNuggets to my children. I have no doubts." Well, that’s one way of saying he doesn't particularly like his family, especially his children.