I am not a huge Disney fan. I just love wearing the stuff. People are nicer to me. They offer me a seat in the priority section of the bus.
The other day, I was in Tesco Extra. I prefer Tesco Extra because it is sassier.
Anyway, I was carrying a full wire basket when I walked down the magazine aisle. I was checking in on Meghan Markle’s dad from afar when I forgot I was holding the basket and accidentally hit a woman in the crotch with it. I looked up to see the angriest British woman I have ever seen staring back at me. I knew she was British because I could tell from her eyes she was deciding how to kill me in the most passive aggressive way possible. (Probably involving brussels sprouts). I said, “I am so sorry! Are you alright?” The woman then looked down at my jumper and goes, “Are YOU alright? Where is your carer?!”
The other day, I caught myself trying to push a pull door open at a crowded Christmasy shop. Nobody laughed or pointed they just stood around and went, “Aw bless!”
I’m Spring Day (real name, hippie parents)
Moving back to the United States after having lived in Japan and traveling the world for 16 years has been a bit of a head fuck, especially since I now work in the U.K. My blog “The United States of Shock!” is where I give my brilliant and bitter two cents, pence, yen and euro on my experience with culture shock and current events. If you have any questions you would like to have answered in a snit, email them to firstname.lastname@example.org